Those of you who read my first two posts probably know by now that I’m a traveller! After living in Canada and Tanzania I now study at the University of Aberdeen in Scotland and from next August on I will be in Oklahoma for a year. I love the constant change of scenery, I love meeting new people, getting to know new places and I love the thrill of going somewhere I have never been before. But every time you leave a place, no matter how excited you are about where you are going, you leave things behind. Maybe this is completely different for other people, but today I wanted to write about the struggles I face every time I am about to go somewhere new.
- Everything seems to fall perfectly into place back home! All the things that were constantly bugging me, all the reasons I wanted to leave for seem to disappear. When I decided to go to Africa I had just broken up with a boyfriend, school was incredibly stressful and I had gotten into fights with quite a few of my friends. Leaving seemed like the best thing that could happen to me! However, by the time I actually had to pack my bags, I had just met a guy I really liked, school was over and my friendships were back on track. Leaving suddenly seemed like a really stupid thing to do – which leads to the next point:
- Last minute panic attacks! No matter how much I look forward to going to a place, at one point during the last one or two weeks before my departure I will have a complete mental breakdown! Usually this comes when I first start packing and realise that it is impossible to bring everything that has sentimental value AND everything I need. My friends and family may have gotten used to the over-emotional self I am before I leave, but it hits me every time. Hard. At one point, I will sit over my half-packed bag, in tears, yelling at each and every person who dares tell me that everything will be fine and it’s just cold feet.
- Airport Goodbyes! While I hate going to the Airport alone, airport-goodbyes are most definitely the worst part of leaving – because, at least if you are travelling alone, that is the moment where you have to leave all your friends and family behind. No one can cross that security gate with you. It’s just you, your boarding pass and a backpack full of stuff most of which you won’t need anyway. The good thing about those gates is: from now on you HAVE to meet you people! Adventure has started!
- The 3 week blues! When you arrive at your destination, chances are, everything is exciting and new! New people, new home, new food! But then comes the 3 week blues! Sometime within the first month, everything that seems so exciting at first will become routine. And that is when the realisation hits you: this is not just a holiday, for however long you’re staying, this is your life. Suddenly traveling doesn’t seem that exciting anymore and you stop appreciating the new things you have and start missing home! I know people who went back home during that phase – for me, luckily, it usually only lasts a couple of days or a week and then I am back to enjoying wherever I am.
- Going Home! The last and probably biggest struggle when going abroad is going back home. because once you get ready to leave, you realise the one big difference between leaving home and leaving this place: you don’t know when you will return. Maybe you don’t even know if you will return. Chances are, you made friends that you are just as close with as with your friends back home, you might have fallen in love, you might have found a second family and now it’s time to leave them. And suddenly all the little things you missed seem unimportant. The home that you wanted to go back to so many times is the last place you want to be and all the struggles begin again right at number 1.
I’ve travelled ever since I was a little kid, being lucky enough to have parents that showed me the world and still, every time I go, I go through all of those stages! When I go to Oklahoma in August, the US will be the 5th country I live in within the last 5 years. I am lucky enough to have several places that I can call home and two families that will always be in my life. And while I am very very much looking forward to discovering yet another part of the world, I am scared of leaving already! It seems that the more you travel, the more you leave behind each time you go! As I said, maybe those are just my struggles but I thought there might be people who can relate to it. To that mix of joy and excitement about leaving and the anxiety when you think about what you are leaving behind.
Loving The Road 